1. In order to ingratiate ourselves.
Did you really get 800 on your math SAT? This makes other person feel good along with you feeing powerful by controlling how someone feels.
2. To get attention by changing the subject from whatever to me.
Do you want to know where you can get the best and cheapest meal in the city?
Here you are the expert and have very interesting information.
3. To humiliate or make someone feel small.
You didn’t finish High School, did you? This can really hurt someone.
4. People have difficulty with silence so asking almost any question can relieve
the tension? Has anyone seen the movie Jaws?
Some reasons why people are uncomfortable with silence either when they are alone or with others.
A. With others we worry we are being judged negatively by them.
B. When alone in silence we are judging ourselves negatively.
C. My role in life is to entertain. If I am not entertaining, I am nobody.
D. My role in life is to ease others discomfort and I assume everyone is uncomfortable
When there no one is talking.
5. I ask a question to try to impress. Has anyone heard that there are more people
over 65 than under 5, then I explain the implications of that statement.
6. To validate that I exist. How are you doing? Acting as if I have interest in the other
person so that I can talk about myself.
7. This one everyone is aware of, to get an answer? Where is the bathroom?
This question is asked consciously, while the other questions may be asked consciously
8. To make someone think that you are interested in them so they like you.
What is the next trip that you are planning to take?
9. To get a compliment. Don’t I look good in this dress? The other person really has no
choice, but to say yes.
10. To try and act humble. Do you think that I really deserve the Oscar. What can
11. To try and predict the future. Are your parents still married? Maybe if they
are still married, I don’t have to worry about you leaving me.
12. Asking a question that makes you feel that you have a good chance of being
accepted into the group.
Do you all want to crash at my house tonight?, parents are out of town?
Combining the “reason” of the West and the “intuition” of the East, I have conceptualized my own healing process. People come to me for help without knowing what is really troubling them. They complain about problems on the job and problems with their relationships. I encourage them to change their focus from the outside and to explore what is on the inside.